Lately Andrea has been thinking a lot about her younger years. Specially one from when she was about 3 years old. It was a Saturday and she was at her grandparents´ house. She was playing at the kiosk in their garden with her cousins.
Then her aunt yelled, "Kids, let´s go for ice cream."
Her older cousin answered, "okay mom we are coming."
She was the youngest of her family back then, so they didn´t take her seriously and forgot about her. As she sat there looking at the leaves of the three, she forgot about her cousins and ice cream.
Then finally her mother saw her and said, "Andrea, everyone is waiting for you."
Her fat little legs ran and followed the path full of rocks back to the house. That´s when she fell down and saw her mom´s worried face running toward her. The next thing she remembers after that was laying in a bed with a sheet on her face.
Her grandfather and all her aunts (they are all surgeons) were whispering, "she needs one more."
All she could feel was the stitches on her forehead and the tears in her cheeks. Andrea will never forget that day. Before that event Andrea thought she was untouchable and that nothing bad could happen to her. During the event she thought that things had no fix, but the next day after everything was over she knew everything was going to be okay. It didn´t matter how bad things looked, because a few years later all she would have to remember that event will be the tiny scar on her forehead almost impossible to see. Problems are seen worse that what they really are when you are living them, if you remember that every time you have a problem it will be easier to find a solution.
I really liked your blog, it does has a conflict and a theme, so it is very good. Remember the dialogue rules, that overtime someone speaks you should start a new paragraph. Also there are a few grammar mistakes, like when you write almost at the end, "but the next day after everything was over she knew everything is going to be okay" you should add a comma after over and change "is" for "was". You could separate in paragraphs so it could be easier to follow along, but not forcely I think. Overall you had super very little grammar mistakes. It was really good.
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ReplyDeleteI relly liked your history. I think you made a very good use of yout narrrative skills during this blog post. Tomorrow we can do peer editing and check for grammar mistakes. Overall good job.
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